Relationships – Page 2 – Plattsville Church

Science, Relationships, and Spirituality

Well on Sunday we are launching a new little two-week series called: Science, Relationships, and Spirituality.

What we are going to be looking at are some of the surprising connections between current science, the relationships you have, and the ancient wisdom of the Bible. We will be looking at the neurology of anger, and the brain. We’ll be looking at social psychology and how negativity lingers in relationships, and how you can overcome it. We’ll be looking at all sorts of cool little connections.

So I hope you can join us to learn a little about our world, a lot about relationships, and most of all, what the Bible says on how to improve them.

Personal Musings

“Hudson why are my arms so long?”

Today I want to talk a little bit about a picture my son Hudson drew. Because it’s really meaningful to me, but also revealing of something to me too. Here it is:

He drew this during his quiet time, came and gave it to me, and said, “Daddy that’s a picture of you and me hugging.” Melt your heart type of stuff as a dad.

But it got me thinking – when did we stop doing this?

When did we grow out of doing this?

We so often take the closest relationships to us for granted, rather than cherishing them. That’s what Hudson was doing. He was trying to show me that our relationship matters to him. He was trying to show me that he loves me. He was trying to show me that he thinks about me and appreciates me. When did we stop doing that for others?

So often our tendency is to neglect or take for granted those closest to us. We don’t send thank you notes to our spouses, but we do to our employees. We don’t send flowers to our parents, but we do to our friends or new potential clients. What I’m saying is that somewhere along the way we maybe have lost something that kids seem to intrinsically know. That relationships are to be appreciated. Appreciated through gifts, cards, thoughts, actions, flowers, and of course, drawings with long arms and hockey stick feet.

So my challenge for all of us is this: to learn from the kids around you and appreciate your closest relationships – and here is the key – make sure they know it. Do something special today for them and appreciate them.

Because sometimes a little thing, like a drawing during quiet time, can just make your day.

Personal Musings, Theological Musings

Why Relationships Aren’t To Be Used but Cherished, and Why we Do It

Today I want to talk about the thing that is killing the church. And no it’s not bad theology, or that people don’t read their Bibles enough. These are important, but I think the thing that is killing the church is much more subtle. And it’s this: We use people.

We use people, we see people as leverage, and we see people as a means to our ends. Let me unpack that a little bit because it is important, dare I say critical too.

In essence, I think the trouble with the church is that we don’t love people deeply enough. We love who they can be or what they can do for us, but not who they are right now. We love the fact that they can change this light fixture, run this program, or give to this ministry. But do we simply first and foremost love them for who they are, before they contribute or do anything? Do we love them because they are worth loving?

And this is a subtle thing but a really key thing. Because we are called to love people where they are at, and not for what they can do, or even who they can become.

And this issue has even infected and affected our evangelism. Evangelism is literally sharing the good news about Jesus. This is a beautiful thing. But here is what can subtly happen – we make friends with them so they can come to know Jesus, and share Jesus with them. Rather than making friends because we think they are worth loving and caring.

And this happens all the time, and people see it, feel it, and know it. If you are nice to neighbors just so they will come to church, or come to know Jesus that’s just down-right wrong.

Yes I said wrong, and here is why. Because in that situation we are loving and caring for our neighbors just for our own agenda (going to church or accepting Jesus). Is that agenda good? Absolutely I believe deeply in the church and think Jesus is the hope of the world. But, and here is the kicker, it is still an agenda, even though it’s a good one. But love cares for people without an agenda. You don’t love your kids so that they will accept Jesus (but of course you pray they will). You love your kids because they are worth loving – and we need to live that way with everyone. People can know and sense if we love them, or if we love the “future them” they can become. But that’s using people, and not loving people. To love people you need to love who they are – right here and right now. God moves always in the present, and love is grounded in the present.

Andrew Root puts it this way:

Relationships in ministry are so significant not for what they get us but because they become the concrete yet mysterious places where the divine and human come together. Andrew Root

So what if we stop approaching the people in our church, our neighborhoods, or our community for what they can do for us – or for what we think is best for them. What if we love them where they are at, no agendas or strings attached, knowing that in that place Jesus is moving. What if we deeply practice love and just see what Jesus will do in and through that? Do I pray and hope that my friends and neighbors come to know Jesus – absolutely. He’s the biggest change in my life, and the reason I live my life the way I do. But I love my friends and neighbors first for who they are – people worth loving – and not for who they might become or do for me. And that small difference, makes all the difference.

In short, what I’m trying to say is this: relationships are to be cherished, not to be used. And I think this is something the church needs to learn if it is going to thrive. You know if someone loves you or what they can do for you. And that one subtle difference is something; the difference between a life-giving relationship, and a shallow fake relationship. And if the church is about anything it’s about deep relationships with each other, the world, and most of all, God. So let’s learn to love without an agenda.

Personal Musings

I’d Rather Have Moments Not Hours or Days

I was listening to music the other day, and I heard this one line that really spoke to me. It just stopped me as so true. I’ve listened to this song multiple times, but for the first time I heard it. The line was this:

Give me moments, just give me moments, not hours or days.

And here is what I think that line means and why it matters. Life is not made up of hours or days lived, but moments experienced. Moments and memories give life depth, not just hours and days. And we have many little clichéd sayings that pick up on this theme (i.e. life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by every moment that takes your breath away) The problem with clichés is that they are actually true, but are so true and familiar that they’ve lost their meaning. We forget they are true, we skip over them even though we know they matter.

We all know a deep moment with your spouse, your kid, or with God matters deeply. But we often settle for hours and days spent in the same space with our spouse, kids, or God rather than moments actually with them.

So here is my challenge for you just today, have a moment today.

– Have a moment with your kids.

– Have a moment with your spouse.

– Have a moment with God

– Have a moment with friends

Why not focus on finding a moment that matters today. Because that line is true, we need moments not just hours or days. Moments that matter and last.

I found this picture from the summer of me and Hudson. That’s a moment I’ll remember for a long time. So why not focus on making some of those memories and moments today, because in the end that’s what matters and lasts.

Sermon Preview

Comparison is a Killer

On Sunday we are going to be exploring a temptation that I think we all face that wrecks and ruins relationships. And it’s this: comparison.

The truth is comparison kills. Comparison kills relationships, friendships, our identity’s, our security, our hope, and our happiness. But rather than rooting out comparison we seek to win at comparison. We try to make sure our kids are just a bit better than those around us; that our careers are just a bit better than our friends; that our marriages, vacations, finances, cars, houses, whatever, are just a bit above those around us – so we feel like we are succeeding. As long as our Facebook, and Instagram feeds are a constant highlight real we feel secure.

On Sunday though we are going to look at where this type of living leads. And it is the common way of living. We want to make sure that we matter by evaluating ourselves in relation to everyone else. We measure our standing against those around us. But this doesn’t get us anywhere. It just makes us frantic, driven, and insecure.

So that’s where we are going on Sunday. But before we get there let me ask you a question that I think will free your life. Is there any area of your life where comparison is driving it forward?

Is comparison and competing driving your work life? Is it driving your parenting? It is driving your spending? Is there any area where comparison is driving your life forward?

I think this is a question worth reflecting on, because wherever comparison is controlling, difficulty isn’t far behind. So are there any areas in your life where comparison rather than contentment is the guiding force?

And if so, come Sunday we’re going to look at a different way to live.

Theological Musings

Instant Coffee…Instant Friends?

So a few weeks ago my neighbour showed up late on Sunday night, just to talk and hang out. It was great, a lot of fun, he is a really funny guy. But something stuck out to me after he left. One year ago this would never have happened. It just wouldn’t. It wasn’t that we didn’t like each other, it just wouldn’t have happened. Some things take time.

The point is this, that as a culture we are obsessed with speed. We want our phones to be LTE or 9G or whatever’s the fastest now. We want instant streaming, short posts, quick updates, and most of our desires responded to instantly. I’m not saying that speed is bad, but there are a few things that don’t respond well to speed. The primary one is relationships. Relationships cannot happen instantly. Accepting a friend on Facebook doesn’t instantly make them a true friend. Friendships grow slowly over time. And it’s only with time that they grow.

The reason I bring this is up is because my neighbour would never have come over a year ago because it takes time to get to know people. And while Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter all help friendships grow – the main way they do is through intentional time. So the question I have for us with our friendships is, “Are we giving them time to grow?” Are we investing in the neighbours, community, and co-workers God has placed in our lives? Are we caring for our friends…really? Are we giving them our attention and time?”

The one thing we cannot get more of is time. So I think it’s the one thing that is worth giving to those friends around us. So today who can you give your time to? Who can you invest in? Because to be honest, there isn’t much better than good friends, randomly showing up, and hanging out.

Personal Musings, Theological Musings, Where I saw Jesus this Week

You Can’t Have Multiple Best Friends

A week or so ago my little boy was up very early…like way too early. He runs into our room, and says “Daddy wake up, wake up!”

And just as I was about to tell him to go back to bed he said, “I have a secret for you”

Now we often do this and I whisper secrets like, “I love you, you’re special, you’re a good boy” to him.

So he leaned over and said to me, “Daddy you’re my best friend.”

Pretty hard to be upset with him early in the morning after that right? And, in fact, this was a new one because I don’t tell Hudson that because – well we have two kids. So I don’t say “you’re my favorite, or best son”. But I loved every minute of him snuggling up with me saying, “You’re my best friend”

Then later on that morning as we’re about to leave, Hudson leans over to my wife and says, “Mommy you’re my best friend”. We go to my mom’s and he says to my mom, “Grandma you’re my best friend”

Apparently my son doesn’t get the idea of “best” because he has multiple best friends. But I got to thinking about it and wondered if honestly this isn’t a good thing. Hudson doesn’t feel like his friends need to be ranked, that one person’s affection diminishes another person’s, or that his relationships are in competition. Instead he sees something special in all of them and calls them his “best friend”.

I actually wonder if this little truth isn’t a lot like God. I wonder if God wouldn’t call each and every one of us, his personal best friend being fully invested in each relationship?

And the beautiful thing about it is that I’m happy that Hudson calls me, his mom, grandma and so many other people his best friend. I want him to have those strong relationships, and it doesn’t take anything away from my relationship with my little boy.

I wonder if we all couldn’t learn something from that. Rather than competing in relationships why not be grateful for them? Rather than ranking relationships why not simply rest in the relationships you have? So I’m trying to learn a little something from Hudson. That I now have multiple best friends: Hudson, Asher, Krista, and many more. What about you?

Sermon Reflections

Irresponsibility Kills Roots

On Sunday we explored a key to all our relationships: responsibility. The truth is that if we want to have deep relationships, if we want to have solid friendships, if we want to have healthy roots in our families, we need to learn to be responsible. Irresponsibility kills roots and kills relationships.

My guess is that in your family and friends the people who bug you the most are in some way irresponsible. They aren’t owning and being accountable for their own stuff. Because the reality is, that whenever someone is irresponsible, someone else has to pick up the slack. So on Sunday we explored this theme of irresponsibility and looked at the first family in Adam and Eve.

What we discovered is that irresponsibility is really easy to see in someone else, but really hard to see in ourselves. So we asked ourselves, “Are we being responsible in our relationships?” Through the story of Adam and Eve we discovered some signs of irresponsibility. The first is blame. Whenever we start blaming, we are trying to shift responsibility. Adam blames Eve for eating the fruit, Eve blames the serpent, and people have been blaming ever since. But if we want healthy relationships we need to stop blaming and start owning our issues. The second sign of irresponsibility is when people start hiding. Whenever you start hiding conversations, maybe your spending, or where you are spending your time there is a responsibility problem. Adam and Eve, right after they eat the fruit, hide so that they don’t need to take responsibility. We need though to stand up and stop hiding and start owning our mistakes, failures, and become accountable. The last sign of irresponsibility was if we are creating new rules. Rules are created to curb irresponsibility, although they never really work. After Adam and Eve’s failure the story of the Bible is really a story of creation of many new rules to curb bad behavior. Finally, with Jesus the rules get thrown out (the Law) and he gives us the task of being responsible (loving God and others). So the point is that if we are needing to create lots of new rules in our families, friendships, or even businesses there is a responsibility problem that needs to be dealt with.

So we ended off asking people to honestly think through this question: “Am I being responsible” Because being responsible in relationships leads to deep roots. And I think that’s what we want. Relationships that last, thrive, and are healthy and whole. But that only happens when we start taking responsibility.

Sermon Notes:

Big Idea: Responsibility leads to deep roots

Take Aways…

Irresponsibility always leads to more rules
Irresponsibility is easy to see in someone else and hard to see in yourself
Am I honestly being responsible in my relationships
When people are responsible rules aren’t needed
Whenever rules are broken consequences soon follow
Signs of Irresponsibility in a Relationship
- Blaming
- Hiding
- Creating New Rules
Rules never create responsibility
Responsibility leads to deep roots
Ways to build responsibility:
- Stop hiding and start dealing with things
- Stop blaming and start owning things
- Stop creating new rules and start taking responsibility

Adult / Group Discussion Questions: What surprised you? What made you think? What made you laugh? What did you take away? Were there any stories or examples Andrew used that you could relate too? As you look in your own life are there any areas where you blame, or hide? Are there things you are being irresponsible with? How can you stand up and start taking responsibility for them?

Discussion Questions for Young Families: Take a moment and talk with your kids about rules and responsibility. Ask them if they’d like to live without rules. Tell them that if they’d like less rules, they need to take more responsibility. Talk to them about how being responsible (doing what is right) builds trust and you need less rules. Use some recent examples either good or bad from your own family life about how to illustrate this. Talk to them about giving them more freedom as they show more responsibility.

Challenge for this Week:

Take responsibility in your relationships

Sermon Preview

Healthy Families Start Where?

On Sunday we are starting a brand new series looking at Roots. We are looking at how to have healthy roots in our families, friendships, and relationships. The reality is that if we want to have healthy connections with people we need deep foundations. So we are going to be looking at a few ways to develop that in our relationships all around us.

But before we get there it’s good to think through on our own: what makes relationships healthy? What are some of the keys to having healthy and strong foundations?

I know the answer is Jesus and love. Those are true. But why not press a bit deeper. How do you ensure that your family foundation is strong? How do you practice having whole and healthy friendships? What is the difference between relationships that last and survive difficulty and ones that don’t?

On Sunday we are going to be looking at the first family, Adam and Eve, to see what caused issues in their relationship and how we can learn from their mistakes. But we have all been a part of families and relationships for good or bad.

What have you learned that makes them work? What have you learned that doesn’t make them work?

Sermon Reflections

Sleeping Sickness and Staying Wide Awake

On Sunday we looked at the letter to the church in Sardis. Sardis was a well known city for being wealthy and powerful. In fact,

they were thought to be unconquerable. They were thought to be almost invincible. And some of us have felt that way about some of the relationships around us. But Sardis fell asleep…literally. Twice in their history they were conquered by invading armies because of stupid mistakes, falling asleep, and becoming complacent. Once a soldier went down a secret path to gather a dropped helmet…leading an army in to conquer an unprepared city. And then unthinkably it happened again. A city that was wealthy, powerful, and had all the potential to excel was conquered and devastated.

Maybe you’ve seen the same thing around you. Maybe you’ve seen relationships that we’re so full of potential, and promise but they fell apart. How do these things happen? Slowly and subtly. People fall asleep, they stop making an effort, they forget that all relationships require effort and faithfulness. So Jesus tells the church in Sardis wake up and be faithful. Wake up and be faithful. Don’t fall asleep, don’t become complacent, don’t think you have it all going on and forget to follow. This is the temptation in any church, marriage, or relationship…we become complacent. We start to take our calling, our spouse, or our friends for granted. And whenever this happens…soon things fall apart.

Jesus gives us this advice though. He says wake up and start again. Go back to the beginning and start to try to love again. Love afresh, put effort in, don’t let what was is good slip away because of forgetfulness. And yes it is hard. That is why in the letter to Sardis Jesus reminds them that some have been faithful. Some are doing it. Yes it is hard but it can be done, and if you wake up and are faithful you will win life.

So the main point is this: faithfulness and effort are needed for relationships to last. So are there any relationships where you need to wake up? Where you haven’t been faithful, where you have been forgetful, where you haven’t put forth effort? This is the perfect time during Lent to be reminded and to reflect on our relationships. But more than that it is the perfect time to act and even repent. Repenting means turning around and starting again. So in your marriage start again, give love like you used to. In your friendship start again, listen like you did in the start. In your church start again, remember your calling to care and act on it. Because whenever we fall asleep in our relationships death isn’t far away, but whenever we are faithful in them life is there to stay…

Sermon Notes

Big Idea: Wake up!

Take Aways…

Have we fallen asleep in our Christian walk?
What do our actions show we believe?
If you stay true, you will be victorious
Relationships fall apart slowly and subtly
Practical Points:
- Realize if you are sleeping
- Wake up and Take Action
- Stay Awake by being Faithful

Adult / Group Discussion Questions: What surprised you? What made you think? What did you take away? When have you asked the question – “How did this happen?” How have you seen things fall a part slowly and subtly? Where in your life do you need to “wake up”? Are there any relationships in danger? How can you stay faithful and walk forward with Jesus? Where is he asking you to remain faithful?

Discussion Questions for Young Families: Spend some time talking with your kids that important things mean putting effort into them. Tell them how family is important so you will be putting effort into it so that it won’t fall a part. Ask them how they’d like you put in effort – what they’d like you to do. Maybe it will be to play with them more, or to go to their hockey games, or other ideas. Listen and then put it into practice.

Challenge for this Week:

Recognize where your sleeping, wake up and take action, stay awake by being faithful…